Cindy Hyde’s Blog: Making Peace with Your Past Series
Can you say you have left your past in the past? Or is your past still very much a present and debilitating reality for you? Leaving your past in the past is not an easy thing to do but it is doable. There are three important steps to take when trying to make peace with your past. It is possible. You can live free of the pain that your past caused and is causing. You can learn to leave your past in the past.
Number One: Realize
Realize that we are all victims and at the same time we are all victimizers. We are victims of those who abused us, wronged us, mistreated, or rejected of us. That is a fact. But the rest of the story is that we have also hurt others. Maybe not always intentionally, but we have brought pain so someone else. Perhaps it was a relationship that you ended. Maybe you were a bully in school because you were bullied. What you did is not as important as realizing that you did bring harm to others is important if you are ever going to leave your past in the past. Can you admit you are a victim? Can you admit you have also harmed others, knowingly or unknowingly? If you can admit it you are on the right track to bringing peace and healing into areas of your life that cause you pain.
Number Two: Recognize
Recognize that memories are just that--memories. Memories have no emotion. The emotion you feel when you remember the sin that was committed against you is attached to the pain you felt at the time and still feel. Memories cannot harm you. They cannot make you feel anything. Having said that, let me say that when you remember an event, a person, a relationship, a job that you were fired from, the loss of a loved one, or the one who defiled you, raped you, neglected, abused, or misused you it should become as if you were watching a movie. We can never forget the things we have endured and survived, some are so horrific that to the normal person they would be unthinkable. There is a process of reclaiming your life, reclaiming and restoring yourself to yourself. Yes, as we are abused we often detach to survive. It is a normal coping mechanism. But what if you could learn to attach and release the pain associated with them memory. Would you do it?
Number Three: Release
Release the negative emotions attached to the memories. You say, “Well if I could I would!” You can! Allow me to guide you in the process of releasing. First of all, remember that we are all victims. The one who wounded you was probably a wounded soul doing what wounded souls do—hurt others. Hurting people hurt people. That is a fact.
There are several spiritual principles involved in releasing the pain of your past. First, we admit we all miss the mark and fall short of our God-given destiny. Second, what was done to you, or what you have done to yourself or others is forgivable. Now, wait, it is truth. When we forgive we are forgiven. It is as simple as that. To forgive is not that difficult. No matter what the offense or sin was, it is forgivable. In order to forgive we must realize that we do it for ourselves. We do not forgive so the other person can get by with anything. We forgive because we need to be free from the other person’s hold on us, their influence, and their near constant control over our emotions.
We are supposed to be in control of ourselves. Then why do we give anyone else enough control over us to cause such deep emotional wound, not just once but over and over again like a broken record. We can stop the record from playing by forgiving. Forgive them. Forgive God. Forgive yourself. When forgiveness, true forgiveness happens in your heart it sets you free from the prison you have built around yourself. Forgive and then leave your past in the past.
These three steps are a good place to start leaving your past in the past. Realizing we are all both victims and victimizers can shift our focus away from a victim mentality. Recognizing the fact that memories have no emotion and that we can revisit a memory without reliving the event emotionally. Releasing the shackles, the ropes that bind, and the bars that hold us captive is the most important step to making peace with your past and leaving the things of the past in the past. You never forget, but you can be happy and productive in spite of.
If you need help releasing the pain of your past please contact me. I am happy and more than willing to show you that you can have a bright and prosperous future. You can learn to stop living in the past and start leaving the past.
© Cindy Hyde, MA cindyhyde.com
#MakingPeaceWithYourPast #Forgive #Forgiveness #EmotionalPain #Freedom #Memories #ReleasingNegativity #CindyHydeCounselor #Faith-BasedCounseling #Faith
Cindy Hyde’s Blog: ADHD Series
Attempting to do anything that requires discipline and routine is difficult for those of us with ADHD. However, I am turning over a new leaf. I am ‘rebooting’ my brain, reprogramming myself to function as a normal person who gets normal things done in a normal time frame. Who am I kidding?
If you have ADHD or otherwise known as ADHD you know full well that following a routine, going to bed and getting up at the same time, even working a 9-5 job can be hard, and for some, impossible. I have heard the phrase that ADHD people are round pegs trying to fit in square holes. It is true. I have coined my own descriptive phrase for what I endure and experience as an adult with ADHD. I tell my friends, “I am upside down.” That’s right. Upside-down. That is exactly how It feels. Like I am upside-down while living in a world that is right-side up. When others are sleeping I am working. When the world is a buzz of activity I am sleeping. Totally the opposite of ‘socially acceptable behavior’ right? Well, who says I am the ‘upside-down’ one?
I struggled with ADHD even before I knew I had ADHD. It was not until I read the book, ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Home by acclaimed professional organizer Judith Kolberg and Dr. Kathleen Nadeau, a renowned ADHD clinical psychologist that I realized how serious this ADHD thing was for me personally. I read the book to try to help someone else. It helped both of us.
It is not just the distractibility, sure that’s there but you can learn to refocus as you get older. We learn to compensate for our shortcomings. But in my ADHD world insomnia is normal. This means I am up all night and then I have to sleep all day to get any rest. This puts me on a two-week cycle of being upside down. Yes, it’s like the rest of the world is right-side-up and I am upside-down. To be honest with you, it is exhausting. The upside is that while I experience insomnia I also experience the ability to get a great deal of work done.
I have watched, and intend to track at some point, the cycles of ADHD in my life. The longest I have ever been able to get to bed around 10 pm and get up anywhere from 5 am – 7 am was three months. That’s it. The rest of the time I am bouncing from right-side-up to upside down. Yes, this is hard on relationships. It is hard physically. It is hard mentally.
Do I like being upside down? No. If I had my choice I would always go to bed early and get up early. Yes. I like being able to hyper-focus and get more done in two nights than I would in two weeks being right-side up.
Welcome to an inside look at my upside-down world. Here are ten things I do to help stay right-side-up. In reality, sometimes these things just don't work. If they don't work for you either, try to 'swing' back around in shorter cycles. My top ten tips:
Living with ADHD is hard. It is challenging. It is often misunderstood, especially by those of us who experience it on a daily basis. Stay strong. Focus on your strengths. Try to stay right-side-up as much as possible.
Copyright 2018, Cindy Hyde, MA (ADHD Coach) cindyhyde.com
ADHD #UpsideDown #TenTipsforADHD #ADHDCoach #Unwind #Unload #Forgive #Unplug #WhiteNoise #Aromatherapy #Unload #Insomnia #CindyHyde
Cindy Hyde, MAEd specializes in soul care. She is an author, teacher, Ordained Minister, Pastoral Counselor, Professional Life Coach, wife, mother, grandmother and CEO/Founder of The East Texas Healing Center (a hospital for the soul).